I have just spent the last 3 days on a low fiber and/or liquid-only diet in preparation for a routine, screening colonoscopy this morning. Mind you, I had a one back in 2005 or so; just long enough ago that all the details have faded into obscurity. Everyone kept telling me that the 4 LITERS of solution that I would have to drink would be the worst thing about the experience. Not so.
Admittedly, though, reading the instructions for the colon-emptying solution was more than daunting. Besides all the warnings about bloating, cramping, nausea, etc., etc., there were all the instructions about drinking the liquid quickly, flavoring it with a provided lemon packet, keeping it cold, using a straw to put the solution as far back in your mouth as possible, and so on.
So (I have just learned about the use of the word “so” as a “discourse marker” and I feel so much better about starting a sentence with it now*), I set up everything in my den last night so as to be comfortable running back and forth to the bathroom. Started my first 2 liters at 7pm last night. While the stuff was not pleasant by any means, it was hardly gag-inducing. I left the flavor packet out and the solution really didn’t taste of much at all. It did have a slightly “salty” taste as best I can describe it.
After all that lead-up, I ended up going to bed at 10:30 and then getting up again at 3:30 to take the second 2 liters (albeit with a few trips to the bathroom in between). Managed to get it all down by 4:40 or so. Took the dog out at 5:30. Had some kind neighbors pick me up at 6:00 and deliver me to the surgery center.
The procedure itself was simple. Worst part was the IV stick. Met the doctors, got wheeled into the room at 8:15. Told to lie on my side and take a few deep breaths through the oxygen mask. Next thing I know, the nurse is saying “Hello” at 8:45 and asking me what I want to drink. I love these new anesthetics!
All right then, if the laxative medicine wasn’t the worst part of the experience, it must have been not being able to have any solid food for 36 hours. I’m not much of a broth or Jell-O person, so I expected to be ravenous yesterday. Not so, in fact, I had to force myself to drink a couple of glasses of white grape juice just because I thought I should have some calories during the day.
Just what was the hardest part of this whole experience then? It was the initial two days of “low-fiber”. I had not realized how much I depend on fibrous foods on a day-to-day basis. No fruit that has any skin: there went my grapes in the morning. No berries or anything else with seeds; there went my raspberries and figs. No dried fruits: there went my nightly dates. No beans. No vegetables with skin on them. But even that was not the worst.
The absolutely hardest part was not being able to eat nuts or popcorn! I have one or the other of those almost every night. If I’m not having a big bowl of popcorn, I’m having a handful of pistachios and a handful of cashews, and a handful of chocolate-covered almonds. It was all I could do to not snitch a couple of my mom’s chocolate covered peanuts when I took them in to her in the evening.
Not sure whether it will be popcorn or nuts tonight. Maybe both!
PS: The test turned out well; I have nothing to worry about for at least 5 years.
*https://www.dictionary.com/e/sentence-initial-so/#:~:text=So%20works%20as%20a%20conversational%20prompt%20in%20the,a%20quick%20transition%20from%20one%20topic%20to%20another.
Tuples and Attributes 