Since my little stroke, I have had all sorts of thoughts about life and death and what kind of life I hope I am living and other such stuff. I have had lots of things I want to write about, so much so that I’ve been a bit overwhelmed trying to tie them all together.
The answer, of course, is to give up trying to make one cohesive essay and write down lots of little ones as thoughts come up. That’s what I am going to try to do.
So first: having a stroke has thrown me more than I think a heart attack would have. I’ve always sort of assumed I might be done in by a heart attack someday. In fact, I’ve always said that my preferred method of dying would be to have a big enough attack that I just didn’t wake up some morning.
(Which leads to thoughts of “Who would know if that happened?” “What about my dog?” “Would the cleaning people come in days later to a real mess?” Ah, the problems of living alone.)
But I had never considered a stroke. The idea of being alive but unable to do anything is absolutely frightening to me. I think I would be more than ready to do the hard work if recovery was possible, but what if it wasn’t? The idea of being shuffled off to some nether world that was in the twilight zone between living and dying is anathema to me. Which is why I have given very detailed instructions as to what I want to the person who has my health power of attorney.
Which is not to say I’m planning on anything happening anytime soon. In fact, today’s good news is that the follow-up CT scan I had on Monday shows that all is stable.
Meantime, I’m spending at least an hour a day reading aloud and/or singing. I’m a little closer to being able to hold a note!
Tuples and Attributes 