A year ago this month, my mom celebrated her 99th birthday. During the week of her birthday, we went out one morning for her favorite chocolate-chip waffle and on another day, a chocolate milkshake. We had cupcakes on the day itself with her friends at her assisted-living home.

On that day, I told mom that her doctor was already making plans to throw her a big party for her 100th birthday. Mom looked at me, shook her head, and said “No, I’m not going be here for that.” Four days later, I got a call to say she had fallen and had been taken to the hospital.

Turns out her right femur had broken. Her left one had broken back in 2019 and she had surgery and recovered well. But now, at her age and with some heart irregularities, fixing the leg was just not possible. She was sent back to assisted living to spend the rest of her days lying in bed, unable to move, in constant pain, and perfectly conscious of all of these facts.

As you can imagine, she was not happy with that state of affairs and wished she could do something about it.

The Nevada legislature earlier that year had passed SB239, which “would have allowed terminally ill Nevadans to self-administer medication to end their own lives. The bill contained a number of steps to ensure the decision was not influenced by others, as well as legal protections for medical personnel involved in the process.”

Govenor Lombardo vetoed that bill, stating: “SB239 allows for physician assisted suicide in the State of Nevada. End of life decisions are never easy. Individuals and family members must often come together to face many challenges — including deciding what is the best course of medical treatment for a loved one. Fortunately, expansions in palliative care services and continued improvement in advanced pain management make the end-of-life provisions in SB239 unnecessary.“

My mom is now left with the certainty of never getting out of bed again, having to be catharized, being in incredible pain (in spite of heavy-duty pain meds) whenever they have to roll her from side to side and there is nothing, nothing, she is capable of doing about it.

My family has always been very proactive about preparing for end-of-life issues: trusts, wills, financial power of attorney, medical power of attorney, and POLST (Portable Medical Orders). Amongst other things, Mom’s POLST specified that was not to be resuscitated, not to be given a feeding tube, and was to be given palliative care.

Mom, at this point, is perfectly capable of stating that she does not want to live any longer in these circumstances. And yet there is nothing proactive that she can do and nothing that I, or anyone else, can do about the situation.

Mom’s response was to quit eating and, eventually, to quit drinking. Some 18 days after she fell, she passed away in the morning of the 31st.

It pisses me off that I wasn’t there to hold her hand, because I couldn’t be there 24/7 for the several weeks if took her body to fail. It pisses me off that I have more options for taking care of my dog than I had for taking care of my mom. It pisses me off that some politician gets to decide what is right for me and my family in situations like this.

One year later I obviously find it incomprehensible that in spite of the explicit instructions given by my mom, she had to suffer unnecessary pain for weeks.

How about letting the person and family members involved make their own decisions! My politest response to you, Govenor Lombardo and your “advances in pain management”, is to “get stuffed”.